Milan's Hottest Hotel: Unbelievable Luxury Awaits!
Milan's Hottest Hotel: Unbelievable Luxury Awaits! (Or Does It?) - A Messy, Honest Review
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I just survived, I mean experienced, Milan's Hottest Hotel: Unbelievable Luxury Awaits! And let me tell you, it was…an experience. Forget your meticulously crafted travel blogs; this is the raw, unfiltered truth, sprinkled with a healthy dose of Italian espresso-fueled rambling. Let's break this down, shall we? And maybe, just maybe, figure out if this place is worth your precious Euros.
Accessibility: Does the "Luxury" Extend to Everyone?
Okay, first impressions. The website promised accessibility. Promised. And initially, things looked good. Elevator? Check. Wide doorways? Check. But then…a slight panic set in. Finding the accessible entrance was a mini-scavenger hunt. Seriously, Google Maps needs an update. Once in…well, it was passable. Not exactly seamlessly integrated, you know? Like, you could navigate with a wheelchair, but you might need a Sherpa and some patience. (Accessibility: 7/10 – Room for Improvement, definitely.)
On-site Grub & Grooving (the Important Stuff!)
Right, let's talk food. Because what's a trip to Milan without stuffing your face? The hotel boasted a flurry of options.
- Restaurants: Several! From swanky, white-tablecloth affairs to something called a "Vegetarian Restaurant" – (more on that later - because the "vegetarian" offerings seemed to be mostly sad salads). The a la carte restaurant menu was HUGE. Way too much choice. It’s like they are trying to be everything to everyone, and I don’t know if they are succeeding.
- Coffee/Tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Bar, Poolside Bar, Snack Bar: All of these - and a Happy Hour? Yes, please! The poolside bar was the highlight. Seriously, sipping an Aperol Spritz with the Milanese sun beating down? Chefs kiss. The drinks? Bellisimo. The snacks? Well, it's a snack bar. Don't expect Michelin star quality.
- Asian Cuisine: I saw this on the list, but it seemed to be an afterthought, just a few rolls on the menu.
- Breakfast: Ok, the Breakfast [buffet] was… vast. A huge array of choices, from your standard pastries (good, not great) to Asian breakfast options…I still don't know how authentic it was. [Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Asian breakfast, Western breakfast] were available. The Breakfast in room, Breakfast takeaway service were not ideal choices, because the best part of breakfast was the vibe, you miss that if you take your coffee, or your food, up to the room.
[Dining, drinking, and snacking: 8/10 – Poolside bar earns extra points.]
Relaxation & Wellness: Did I Achieve Bliss?
This is where things got interesting…and slightly overwhelming. The brochure promised a spa experience to end all spa experiences.
- The Spa: I needed a good massage. [Massage] My weary traveler's muscles were screaming for mercy. The massage itself? Decent. The ambiance? Could have been more zen, less…business-y. The Spa/sauna was there, but I could not find time to appreciate that . [Spa, Spa/sauna]
- Pool with view, Swimming pool [outdoor]: The pool was divine! [Pool with view] It was on the roof, so there was a stunning vista of Milan, the duomo in the distance. [Swimming pool] The [Swimming pool [outdoor] was the spot to be.]
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: I tried the gym. Briefly. It was…well-equipped. But I was in Milan! Who has time for the gym?! [Fitness center, Gym/fitness]
- Sauna, Steamroom: Yes, they were there and looked good.
Overall, the relaxation options are there, but not perfectly executed. You can get blissed out, but it takes some effort. (Relaxation: 7.5/10 – Do-able but needs a pinch of magic dust.)
Cleanliness & Safety: Were My Germs Kept at Bay?
This is crucial, especially post-pandemic. The hotel tried to be super safe, [Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment]. Everything was sanitized to within an inch of its life. You could practically smell the bleach in the hallways. Which, on one hand, is reassuring. On the other…maybe a little too sterile? I’m a little less worried about the kitchen, especially when there is a [Room sanitization opt-out available]. Food and cleaning? 9/10. Safe and Sanitary.
The Room: Unpacking the "Luxury"
Right, the crème de la crème, the room. The website promised luxury. Did it deliver? Well… here's the breakdown.
- The Good: The bed was heavenly. Like, melt-into-it-and-never-leave-again heavenly. The [Blackout curtains] saved me from jet lag. The [Air conditioning] was a lifesaver. The [Free Wi-Fi]? Essential. And, of course, the [Mini bar] was well-stocked with life-giving elixir. [Bathtub, Shower, Separate shower/bathtub, Bathrobes, Slippers] A nice, luxurious bathroom.
- The Okay: The decor was… fine. A bit generic, but comfortable enough. The [Scale] was… well, it was there. I'd rather not talk about the scale.
- The Not-So-Great: The view from my [High floor] window was mostly…another building. Bummer. And the [Internet access – LAN] was a bit archaic, seriously who uses LAN anymore? Also, I was slightly disappointed that I didn't get to test the [Proposal spot] I'm not complaining, but I definitely wasn't prepared for the sheer noise of the city, even though the [Soundproof rooms] were well designed.
- Things to consider: I got a [Non-smoking] room, because I don't smoke. I did not see a way to [Pets allowed unavailable]. I saw options for [Interconnecting room(s) available].
[Available in all rooms, Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens.] [Rooms: 8/10 – Excellent bed, could use a little more personality]
Services and Conveniences: Did They Cater to My Every Whim?
They tried. Honestly, they really tried. [Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center].
- Concierge: Super helpful, although occasionally a little…overwhelmed.
- 24-hour room service: A lifesaver after a long day of exploring. [Room service [24-hour]]
- Food delivery: Useful.
- Luggage Storage: Convenient.
[Services: 8.5/10 – Efficient and attentive, but not always flawless.]
For the Kids: Is This Place Family-Friendly?
I don't have kids, but I saw a few families there.
- Babysitting service: Available. *
Alright, Milano, Italy. Buckle up, buttercups, because this ain't gonna be your pristine, perfectly curated Instagram slideshow. This is real life travel, messy hair and all. Welcome to my chaotic Milan itinerary, scribbled on a napkin, stained with espresso, and fueled by pure, unadulterated Italian passion.
Day 1: Arrival & Architectural Overload (and a touch of panic)
- Morning (6:00 AM - 9:00 AM): Arrive at Malpensa Airport. Okay, first hiccup. My luggage, bless its cotton socks, decided to stay cozy back in London. Deep breaths. After a frantic transaction to arrange for a new suit to wear at my meetings and checking the location of the hotel, the Hotel Milano, it looks all good.
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Finally in Milan. Get to the hotel. The Hotel Milano, a rather nondescript building, feels promising. Shower, change, and get ready to take on the city. Commence frantic self-googling for the best local tailor.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 3:00 PM): Duomo! I got lost. It's huge, the size of a small country. I got the first glimpse and stood there, jaw-dropped, for a good five minutes. Just… wow. The detail is insane. I spent a ridiculous amount of time (and money!) getting gelato. The line was worth it, then I sat there just watching people come and go, smiling like an idiot.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II. So much more elegant than I am. I think I accidentally brushed shoulders with a model. (Probably not, but a girl can dream, right?) Window shopping in the Galleria is a serious sport. I blew my budget on a single, ridiculously expensive scarf. Totally worth it. Regrets? Zero.
- Evening (5:00 PM - 7:00 PM): Aperitivo time! Found a cute little place near the hotel, snagged the Aperol spritz, and feasted on the free snacks that came with it. Living the dream. Tried to order in some basic Italian. Mostly just managed to point and smile. Success!
- Evening (7:00 PM - 9:00 PM): Dinner at a trattoria in the Brera district. Got hopelessly lost finding it, but that's par for the course. The food was… chef’s kiss. Pasta. Wine. A very loud Italian family at the next table. Heaven.
- Night (9:00 PM onwards): Stumbled back to the hotel, utterly stuffed and in a mild food coma. Passed out watching Italian TV. Tomorrow: tackling the legendary fashion scene. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.
Day 2: Fashion & Food & Oh God, More Fashion (and a mini-breakdown)
- Morning (8:00 AM - 9:00 AM): Woke up late. Again. Breakfast at the hotel (meh, standard continental). Spent WAY too long getting ready. Fashion week, here I come! (I think, can't quite remember).
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Navigating the fashion district. OMG, the shops! The people! The sheer chicness of it all! Felt like a beached whale in a sea of supermodels (again probably not, but the feeling was there). Vainly tried to look "effortlessly stylish" while simultaneously sweating buckets. Failed.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 2:00 PM): Lunch at a tiny, hidden-away cafe. Best risotto I've ever tasted. Pure, unadulterated bliss, as my stomach was finally feeling good.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Shopping. Spent more money than I should have. Needed to buy new clothes.
- Afternoon (4:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Breakdown. Reality sunk in. I felt ridiculously overwhelmed, lost, and exhausted. Sat on a bench, probably looking utterly pathetic, and contemplated just going home. Then I bought a massive chocolate croissant because carbs, and cried a little. The croissant helped. Italy’s a hard place to be alone and feeling down.
- Evening (6:00 PM - 8:00 PM): Found a quiet little osteria. Ordered a simple plate of pasta and a glass of wine. Watched the sun set over the city. Felt a bit better. The Italians are so good.
- Evening (8:00 PM - 10:00 PM): Walked in the park, taking a bit of fresh air, and hoping to find some relief.
- Night (10:00 PM onwards): Back at the hotel, still a bit shaky, but determined to soldier on. Tomorrow, I had a list of things to do!
Day 3: Art, Opera & a Moment of Zen (and More Eating)
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Visited Pinacoteca di Brera. Saw Da Vinci. Actually saw Da Vinci's work. (Mind. Blown.) Wandered around, pretending to understand art history and feeling utterly inadequate. But also, inspired.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 2:00 PM): Lunch at a pizza place. This time I had some pizza. And of course, gelato.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Tried, and failed, to find the Sforza Castle. Apparently, I can't read a map. Ended up wandering through a beautiful park instead. Found a bench, sat, and just… breathed. Milan is exhausting, but also strangely beautiful.
- Afternoon (4:00 PM - 6:00 PM): A bit of a break. Went back to the hotel to cool off.
- Evening (6:00 PM - 7:00 PM): Trying to find some new places to eat.
- Evening (7:00 PM - 10:00 PM): Dinner. Had some really good food!
- Night (10:00 PM onwards): Back at the hotel. Packed my (now slightly larger) suitcase. Feeling a bit sad to leave. Milan, you crazy, beautiful, expensive city, you've been a whirlwind.
Final Thoughts:
Milan, you're a beast. A stylish, delicious, occasionally overwhelming beast. I came, I saw, I got lost, I ate, I spent too much money, I cried, I laughed, and I'm leaving with a suitcase full of memories and a slightly looser pair of jeans. Would I do it again? Hell yes. Though next time, I'm definitely learning some frickin' Italian. And maybe getting my luggage insured. Ciao, Milano! Until next time!
Unbelievable Beras Manor: Your Kenting, Taiwan Paradise Awaits!
Milan's Hottest Hotel: Unbelievable Luxury Awaits! - BUT... (Let's Be Real)
Okay, Spill. Is this Place *Really* Worth the Hype (and the Price Tag that Makes My Wallet Weep)?
Alright, buckle up, because the answer is... complicated. Yes. And No. It's like, picture this: You walk in, and BAM! Crystal chandeliers that look like they could pay off my student loans, carpets so soft they could induce a nap on the spot, and a scent... a *scent* that's like a thousand Italian sunsets bottled and sprayed liberally. My jaw genuinely dropped. Seriously. I had that "I'm not worthy" feeling for a good five minutes.
BUT... Here's the catch, and *this* is where the realness kicks in. My first night, I swore I heard a faint dripping sound. Like, seriously? Dripping? In a place that costs more than my rent? Turns out, it was probably the air conditioner. But it made me jump EVERY time I heard it. And the minibar? Forget about it! I accidentally knocked a tiny bottle of some exotic liquor onto the floor – “disappeared” in the cleanup, and charged me for it. So, yeah, worth it? Depends on your definition of "worth it" and your tolerance for potential existential minibar crises.
Tell me *everything* about the rooms. Are they really as decadent as the pictures?
The rooms. *Sigh*. Okay, here’s the deal. Decadent? Yes. Are the pictures accurate? For the most part. Think HUGE. Seriously, my room (the "Cozy Corner Suite" - HA!) felt like a small apartment. The bed? Cloud-esque. I swear, it *hugged* me. The linens were the kind you'd sell your own grandmother for (kidding... mostly).
BUT… the bathroom. Oh, the bathroom. Marble everywhere. A soaking tub that could fit a small family. The *shower*… well, it was supposed to be a rain shower, and it was *mostly* a rain shower. Except, on one particularly dramatic morning, it decided to sporadically morph into a high-pressure hose situation, nearly blasting me out of the shower! I nearly fell. And yes, I sent a mental note to myself: "Don't forget to mention those details to the hotel staff".
Also, the lighting, oh the lighting. You know how sometimes you just *can't* find the light switch? The entire room was controlled by these teeny tiny buttons that lit up in just the *wrong* way so you'd have to fumble around. They are great once you find them, but for a clumsy person like myself. It's just a recipe for disaster.
The Food! Is the Michelin-Starred Restaurant really as life-changing as they claim?
Okay, the restaurant. Deep breaths. This is where things get… complex. The food? Art. Actual, edible art. Every plate was a masterpiece. The pasta... oh, the pasta! I swear, I had a religious experience over a single raviolo. The wine pairings? Spot-on. The service? Impeccable. The ambiance? Romantic, hushed, and filled with people who clearly knew they were dining at *the* place to be seen.
BUT... there's always a but, right? The price tag. Holy moly. I could've bought a small car for the cost of dinner. And the portions - while beautiful - were tiny. I mean, TINY. Fine dining is known for its subtlety, but after a three-course meal, I was still staring at the bread basket like it was the Holy Grail. Oh! Remember the dripping sound I mentioned earlier? Well, there was the same noise in the restaurant, too. It was making me crazy! It wasn't from the AC, which was another mystery I couldn't get around. I never found the answer. And the best, worst part is, that during the whole time I was eating my meal, I was so worried that I accidentally dropped my fork. And of course, it would be the table where an important actor was sitting and giving me the death stare.
What about the spa? Is it a real escape from reality?
The spa... okay. I *needed* the spa. After all that opulence and potential dripping anxiety, I was a mess. The spa is beautiful. Seriously. Think hushed tones, flickering candles, pools that shimmered like liquid silver. They give you those fluffy robes that weigh more than my carry on. I had a massage that was probably the best massage of my LIFE. I could feel the knots in my shoulders *melting*.
BUT... it's *never* a complete escape from reality – is it? I booked a massage at like 2 in the afternoon with the intention of resting and relaxing. But I saw on the menu with a "special treatment" called "Chocolate dream" and I had to try, even if it wasn't on my booking. During the treatment, a gentleman in a business suit, the type that probably owns a yacht, strolled into the pool area and loudly started a phone call. About stock options. Stocks! The antithesis of a spa, right? So, there I was, blissfully oiled up and listening to him talk about quarterly reports. Ruined the experience, didn't it? I felt bad for the therapist, too. I could see how much he was trying to be professional with his every touch.
What's the biggest "splurge-versus-worth-it" factor?
That's easy. The suites. They are *glorious*. I mean, they have their own personal butlers! (More on that later.) But... are they three times better than a regular room? Not really. You're paying for space, and the *idea* of luxury. The kind that makes you feel important. And yes, you *do* feel important. However, you also feel like you need to be on constant alert – one wrong move, and you're staring at a repair bill that'll make your blood run cold.
Oh! and here's a story: The butler. (Oh, yes, the butler!). Apparently, they're meant to anticipate your every need. Like, bringing you a fresh espresso before you even THINK about wanting one. I was in my suite the first day, super excited to be there, looking at the gorgeous view when I realized I was *starving*. I mean, hanger-level starving. I buzzed the butler (using the magic button system) and asked for a snack. He arrived... 20 minutes later... with a single, lonely olive. An olive. A *single* olive. I couldn't believe it! I mean, the butler was super polite and all (and I had no problem eating the olive), but I immediately felt like my "glamorous stay" was turning out to be a mess.
Would you go back?
