Luxury Green Olive Living: Your Dream South African Escape Awaits!
Luxury Green Olive Living: My South African Dream (Sort Of… Mostly) - A Review (Okay, A Rant)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I just got back from Luxury Green Olive Living, or as I’m now calling it, “Green Olive, Green Wallet… and a Whole Lot of Green.” This place is… well, it’s a trip. It's supposed to be your "Dream South African Escape," right? Well, let's break it down and see if it actually delivered on that promise. Trust me, you'll want to know the nitty-gritty before you throw your hard-earned cash their way.
Accessibility: A Mixed Bag (And I Tripped a Little)
Okay, let's start with the good stuff. They technically say they have facilities for disabled guests. Yay! But let's be real, South Africa isn't exactly known for its perfect accessibility. I didn't personally need full wheelchair access, but I did see a few ramps and elevators. However, navigating some of the walkways was… interesting. Let's just say I nearly ate pavement a couple of times. So, check with them specifically about your needs. Don't just take their word for it. And, uh, pack some good walking shoes. Just in case.
Restaurants & Lounges: Fueling the Dream… Briefly
On-site accessible restaurants/lounges? Check that box. They do. And the food? Well… that's a story. More on that later.
Internet: Bless the Free Wi-Fi Gods!
Free Wi-Fi in ALL rooms? Thank. The. Lord. In this day and age, that's practically a human right. And it was pretty decent. No buffering nightmares during Netflix binges – a crucial element of any "dream escape," in my humble opinion. They also offer Internet and Internet [LAN]. I didn't delve into that. Who uses LAN anymore? Grandparents, maybe? They also have Wi-Fi in public areas. Standard.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: Spa Day… Until the Birds
Okay, here's where things get juicy. They have a massive list of things to do, ways to relax, and amenities that sounded like a freaking resort from a James Bond movie. They go on to feature: Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]. I spent an unhealthy amount of time in that outdoor swimming pool. It did have a view. A really, REALLY nice view. Like, Insta-worthy. I should probably be a professional photographer. Because there wasn't anything wrong with the view.
And… then came the birds.
Let me tell you about the birds. The birds at Green Olive are… aggressive. Not in a menacing way, more in an incredibly persistent, "MINE! MINE! MINE!" seagull from Finding Nemo kind of way. I was trying to enjoy a nice, relaxing massage (which, by the way, was amazing – the masseuse was a goddess), and I swear, a bird hovered over my head, eyeing up my expensive organic coconut oil. I kid you not, it dive-bombed me at least three times. I’m pretty sure it wanted a snack. A massage-fueled, coconut-oiled snack. So, yeah, relaxing? Mostly. Bird-dodging? Definitely.
Cleanliness & Safety: Germaphobe Approved… Kinda
I’m going to give them credit here. COVID-19? They took it seriously. The whole place felt like it was bathed in Purell. They were on top of their game with Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer everywhere, and Rooms sanitized between stays. It was a solid effort. They even had a doctor/nurse on call! They also had a Hygiene certification. They were also really keen on having all the staff trained in safety protocol. Now, if only they could train the birds…
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Culinary Adventure… or at Least, an Experience
Okay, let's talk about the food. This is where things get… interesting. They offer A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Bottle of water, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant. On paper, it's a foodie's paradise. In reality… well, let me tell you.
The breakfast buffet was a buffet. It was plentiful, with Western breakfast (okay, the bacon was a little too crispy for my taste) and Asian options. The coffee? Mediocre. But hey, free coffee. After a bird scare, the coffee was a necessity. I'm so sorry that that's the high point. The other meals? Hit and miss. Some were fantastic (the local South African dishes were amazing!), some were… not. The "international cuisine," let's just say, varied wildly in interpretation. I actually think I liked the snack bar the best. Less ambitious, you know? And the Poolside bar? Yes, please! Except, of course, for the birds. They’re everywhere.
Services and Conveniences: From Dry Cleaning to Shrine (Huh?)
This is where the list gets gloriously exhaustive. Air conditioning in public area (thank god!), Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine (!!!), Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center.
Seriously, they have a Shrine. I'm still not sure why. Maybe for good luck with the birds? The dry cleaning was a lifesaver, the concierge was helpful, and the elevator was a godsend after the aforementioned "near-death" experience on the walkways. This place has everything. It's… a little too much, actually.
For the Kids: Babysitters and… More Birds
Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal. Okay, they cater to families. Which is cool. Though I’m not sure how well the kids will fare with the bird situation. Someone should warn the parents.
Access: Security? Check. Birds? Double Check.
CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Front desk [24-hour], Pets allowed unavailable, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms. They take security seriously. And that’s a huge plus. The exterior corridor looked scary. Good to know they had the security covered. The birds are still a problem, though.
Available in All Rooms: All the Frills
Okay, let's see what you get in your room. Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens.
The rooms are well-appointed. They have everything. Everything. The bed was comfy, the blackout curtains were a dream (hello, daytime naps!), and the free bottled water was a lifesaver after the spicy food.
Getting Around: The Dream of Freedom
Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking. They have all the transport options. I mostly stuck with taxis.
Okay, So… Is it Worth It?
Look, Luxury Green Olive Living is a mixed bag. The facilities are amazing, the staff is generally friendly, and the location is stunning. It has a solid foundation for a truly exceptional experience. However, (and this is a big "however"), the food could be more consistent, and the birds… the birds need crowd control. Seriously, someone needs to hire a hawk or something.
My Verdict?
If you’re looking for a luxurious escape,
Escape to Paradise: Your Halal Haven Awaits at Bungur Inn Syariah Indonesia
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your sterile, color-coordinated travel brochure. This is… well, this is me, flailing around South Africa, specifically Green Olive Residences, and trying not to look like a complete idiot. Here we go…
Rough Draft of Disaster: Green Olive Residences & Beyond (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Biltong)
Pre-Trip – Panic Stations!
- Weeks Before: Okay, so the “dream trip to South Africa” finally became a reality. I booked Green Olive Residences. The photos online looked… idyllic. Lush greenery! Sparkling pool! I envisioned myself, sipping something exotic, casually penning a novel. (Narrator voice: She hadn't written a coherent sentence in, like, a decade.) Realistically, I spent most of this period frantically googling “what to wear in South Africa,” and “how to survive a safari without getting eaten.” My anxiety levels? Through the damn roof.
- Days Before: Packing was a disaster. I overpacked. I underpacked. I packed things I thought I might need and then didn't use. I forgot my favorite socks. The horror. Oh, and the travel insurance? Read it. Twice. Still terrified.
Day 1: The Arrival (and the Existential Dread of Jet Lag)
- Morning (ish): The flight! Let's just say I’m not built for long-haul. I managed to spill coffee on myself, loudly snored (mortifying), and became convinced that the passenger next to me was judging my every move. Finally, land! Cape Town! The airport was… a LOT.
- Afternoon: Taxi chaos. Negotiating the fare felt like a high-stakes poker game. Made it to Green Olive Residences. And… it was… okay. The pool wasn't exactly sparkling, and the "lush greenery" looked a bit parched (it was autumn, duh). Still, the sheer relief of not being in a cramped airplane seat anymore was overwhelming.
- Evening: Jet lag. My body clock had officially staged a coup. I wandered around the apartment like a zombie, convinced I was hallucinating a talking gecko. Dinner? A sad-looking takeaway pizza eaten in my pajamas. I fell asleep on the couch, dreaming of biltong and… well, more sleep.
Day 2: The Cape Town Blitz (But Mostly Just Me Being a Clumsy Tourist)
- Morning: Okay, woke up feeling slightly less like a walking corpse. Breakfast at a local cafe – I bravely ordered something with eggs (I'm usually a cereal kind of girl). The coffee? Amazing. The eggs? Overcooked. I'm pretty sure I spent half the time wiping egg yolk off my face.
- Afternoon: Table Mountain - the Mountain who made me feel so Small: This was the highlight of the day, even if it was terrifying. The cable car ride up Table Mountain was epic. Breathtaking views! I nearly lost my lunch on the way up. Actually, it was so windy I nearly lost my everything. I took a ton of pictures, then spent the rest of the afternoon convinced I dropped my phone somewhere on a mountain.
- Evening: Wandered around the V&A Waterfront, got accosted by some overly enthusiastic street performers (I hate crowds!), ate some mediocre seafood, and watched the sunset. The sunset, though? Gorgeous. Seriously, the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen. Made the whole day feel less like a total catastrophe.
Day 3: Wine Country (and My Existential Crisis About Wine)
- Morning: Booked a wine tour. Decided I'd become a sophisticated wine expert. (Narrator: She knew next to nothing about wine.)
- Afternoon: Wine Tasting! First stop, Boschendal. The scenery was stunning. The wine? Varied. I, alas, was not a wine expert. I tasted. I swirled. I tried to look like I knew what I was doing. I ended up… feeling a bit tipsy. I managed to spill red wine on a pristine white tablecloth. Mortification level: high.
- Evening: The tour continued to a vineyard known for their incredible cheese, I was in Heaven, I bought a few bottles and a big chunk of cheese.
Day 4: Beach Day & Trauma!!
- Morning: Decided to go to the beach! Hout Bay! Sun, sand, and… seals! Went for a walk, felt like I was back in the movie Jaws. Went back to the room. Packed up and left.
- Afternoon: Green Olive Residences, the pool! Took a swim and felt refreshed.
- Evening: Ate at the restaurant in the area, amazing food.
Day 5: The Safari (Gulp!)
- Early Morning: The Dread: Deep breaths. Ok, safari time. I’d booked a day trip to a nearby private reserve. I’m usually not an outdoorsy person. I'm more of a "stay indoors and read books" type. But! Animals!
- Morning: The jeep ride was bumpy. We saw… zebras! Giraffes! Elephants! (Ok, at a distance, but still!) Excitement levels: unexpectedly high. I took approximately one million photos (most of them blurry), and I was still scared of being eaten by a lion.
- Afternoon: Saw some lions! Really big, impressive lions! My heart actually skipped a beat. We had a picnic lunch in the bush. The sandwiches were delicious. The feeling of being watched by potentially hungry predators… less so.
- Evening: Back at Green Olive. Relief! I was alive! Soaked myself in the tub, then had a massive, cheese and biltong-fueled feast in the apartment. I’m pretty sure my safari experience was a success.
Day 6: Random Shenanigans and Last-Minute Shopping
- Morning: Explored a local market, desperately seeking souvenirs. Ended up buying things I probably didn’t need.
- Afternoon: Tried to learn a few phrases in Afrikaans. Failed miserably. Spent the rest of the time getting lost, and then found coffee.
- Evening: One last dinner in Cape Town. A bit of a bittersweet feeling.
Day 7: Departure – A Bit of a Mess, But Worth It
- Morning: Packing chaos, again. Managed to find my favorite socks! The small victories, right?
- Afternoon: The airport. The long flight. The inevitable jet lag on the other side.
Final Thoughts (Incoherent Rambling):
South Africa? Amazing. Intense. Exhausting. I didn't become a wine expert. I didn't write a novel. I definitely ate too much biltong. But… I saw amazing things. I survived. I even (mostly) enjoyed it. I'd go back. Though next time, I might consider packing a tranquilizer gun for the anxiety. And maybe extra socks. You know, just in case. Green Olive Residences? A good base. Not perfect. But good. And the memories? Priceless. Even the embarrassing ones.**
Unbelievable Luxury Awaits: JW Marriott Chengdu - Your Dream Getaway!
Luxury Green Olive Living: Your Dream South African Escape - Yeah, Maybe... FAQ! (Because Let's Be Real, Life's Messy)
So, what *actually* makes Green Olive Living "luxury"? Because "luxury" these days means, like, self-cleaning toilets, right?
What if I'm, like, a total klutz? Will I break all your fancy stuff? (Asking for a friend... who is me.)
Tell me about this "Green" part. Eco-friendly and all? I’m a tree hugger, you know. (Well, I *try*.)
Food, glorious food! What kind of culinary delights can I expect? (Because I live to eat, basically.)
Okay, I'm sold (maybe). But what's the Wi-Fi situation like? I *might* need to, y'know, check emails occasionally...or, you know, stalk my ex.
What's the deal with these "activities"? I’m more of a horizontal-on-the-couch kind of vacationer.
Is it safe? South Africa can have a reputation, and I'm a nervous Nelly.
